first day of school sucked. it really did. firstly, i was late, but on purpose. didn't know that wileen would take that long. haha. i was a nice person and waited with her. see, i can be nice! NO, strike that.

i AM nice!!

HAHA. ((:

anyways, tonnes of stuff happened. she was not back; kinda not surprised, or anything. but, it's sad. it's not the same. anyways. too many conspiracies. we should just let things flow, right. i mean. too many cooks spoil the broth, plus, the more we meddle... yet.. and, we don't even know if it's true or what's true and what's false, or anything in fact. so yeah. shall we just leave it up to fate?

school's wierd. somehow. many people changing. or is it just me? i don't know. but, it feels wierd going to school again. but, really, alot's changing. i don't even feel like attending school anymore. but, that's not new. i'm beginning to fear. fear everything. i mean, school stuff. i'm scared that i will do badly, and not only disappoint myself, but everyone around me. it sucks. yet, i have no motivation to do any studying at all. ain't that bad? sheesh. and, now, i have some screwed up friendships, that i don't even know what's going on. maybe, i'm just reading too much into these things, but, yet, maybe i'm not. gosh. girls really do think too much; i do have to agree to that. but, what is a one to do? i don't know. i'm just relly confussed i guess. i mean, somehow. i don't know what to think anymore. it's just so wierd. can't we just go back like before? i mean... yeah. whatever.

i need motivation. would anyone care to provide some. plus, i have many pending assignments that i have to hand up, and i don't even know what assignments they are! can you believe it? what kinda student am i? i really need to buck up and pull up my socks.

PLUS, above all these, this one thing has been going on in my mind. i just can't seem to forget. i somehow just can't. it seriously sucks. but, it's like somehow, i know nothing will/would/can happen, but, the extremely optimistic part of me. still hopes. i'm building castles in the sky. just great.

and, i'm losing faith. i'm not proud to say this, but, i've been sinning. i've drifted far away. i've backslided. i can't even hear Him, or talk, freely. i feel guilty. i do. now, everytime in church, i feel lost, like i don't belong. does this make any sense at all?

i'm feel so frustrated and such. i'm getting my knickers in a twist for so many things, all at once. i don't even know if my ass can take all that friction. dang man. what the hell am i talking bout. i need help. i really do. i know i've said this millions of times, yet...

nevermind.

xoxo

manda.